


hit me like an explosion

by FallingOutOfTouch (FallingOutofTouch)



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Cheesy, Fluff, I am so sorry, M/M, Post-Canon, could not help myself
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 16:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10416618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingOutofTouch/pseuds/FallingOutOfTouch
Summary: Ronan’s need to peer inside the crib is almost overwhelming, but he knows what his dreams can turn into and he can’t bring himself to look.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a completely self-indulgent little thing. I had the idea and then could not get it out of my head. Hopefully, it came across okay. This work would not be nearly as clean as it is if not for @saintagnesparrish, the best fiction recommender out there, and an all around amazingly nice person. Go leave her some nice comments, because she might get tired of me thanking her. You can find me at @tricoloredhondayota! Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated.

The first time Ronan dreams of the nursery, him and Adam are fighting. It’s not one of their worst fights, by far, but it still smarts. In their earlier years together, Ronan would have slammed the door and gotten into his BMW to find trouble in the night. That anger no longer manifested itself in this Ronan, but his pride still hindered him. Pride was the only thing keeping him from walking down the stairs and curling himself into Adam until they both whispered apologies.

 

Ronan hates going to sleep angry, he had done it for years and it had nearly killed him. So he tries to rid himself of his anger, breathing in and out, counting to ten, all that bullshit that Gansey always spews at him. He closes his eyes and tried to push out every red tinged emotion he has.

 

When Ronan opens his eyes he is in Declan’s room. He can tell it’s Declan's room because of the view of the small pond outside the largest window. That’s the only thing that is the same. Declan’s room, once dark and meticulous, is now a pale shade of pink. The curtains that adorn the windows are light and allow sun rays to stream in. Everything is illuminated and golden, smelling of fresh laundry and wild flowers. Ronan recognizes that he is in a child’s room.

 

He can tell by the abundance of stuffed animals and the soft blankets and the impossibly tiny clothing hanging in the closet. He can tell because the bookshelf behind him is filled to the brim with small cardboard books and tiny trinkets like a rattle and a pair of white lace socks. He can tell by the rocking chair in the corner and the crib in the center of the room. The moment Ronan notices the crib he also hears the rustling. It sounds like something very small trying its best to make large movements.

 

Ronan’s need to peer inside the crib is almost overwhelming, but he knows what his dreams can turn into and he can’t bring himself to look. He turns to the bookshelf instead, eying the small silver rattle. When he picks it up it makes a tinkling sound like the small wind chimes on the back porch. Ronan thinks it sounds a lot more soothing than the swish of normal rattles. At the sound of the rattle, the rustling in the crib grows more frantic. Ronan tenses, everything in him tuned to that sound. Wake up, he thinks, and then he is.

 

Adam is laying in the bed beside him. He isn’t sleeping but his hair is mussed like he’s been running his hands through it.

 

“Listen,” Adam starts. “I shouldn’t have - ”

 

Ronan cuts him off. “You don’t have to say sorry to me. We were both shitty.”

Ronan moves to wrap his arms around Adam and pull him in, but when he moves a tinkling noise sounds from his closed fist. Ronan immediately drops the object, looking at it fearfully.

 

“You brought something back?” Adam asks, craning around Ronan’s arm to attempt to peek at the object.

 

“Shit,” Ronan says. He doesn’t make any further moves to hide the rattle. If Ronan doesn’t tell him now, Adam will just figure it out later.

 

“Ronan, is that a rattle?” Adam asks, once he’s seen the object fully.

 

Ronan kisses Adam on the forehead, turns to put the rattle on the nightstand, and the brings the blankets over his head. Adam tugs at them but Ronan refuses to budge.

 

“Should we talk about this?” Adam asks.

 

“Not at this moment, no,” Ronan answers, his voice muffled through the thick blanket.

 

“Then we won’t, at this moment,” Adam tugs the blankets down again, this time freeing Ronan’s head. He shakes his head at Ronan, fond but exasperated.

 

Ronan just tucks his head under Adam’s chin and closes his eyes, pleading with anything that will listen to not send him back to that room.

***

There were many places Ronan hated going, but grocery stores most closely reflected Ronan’s personal Hell. He was currently in the middle of an aisle listening to his husband and his daughter disagreeing over what brand of peanut butter to buy and it was really starting to grate on his nerves.

 

“Can you two just pick some damn peanut butter? Does it matter if it’s JIF or Peter Pan? Really does it?” Ronan says.

 

The two of them turn to look at him, seemingly surprised that he is still standing there. Adam gives him a stern look and Opal rolls her eyes at him.

 

“Dad knows that Peter Pan is a poor excuse for peanut butter and that the honey flavoring is a crime against humanity! Yet he insists on spreading it on everything,” Opal says, indignant.

 

“Opal just got brainwashed by the fancy JIF commercials and wouldn’t know good peanut butter from a stick in the mud,” Adam says.

 

Ronan ponders briefly the idea that Opal might actually prefer the taste of a stick in the mud to Peter Pan peanut butter but he chooses not to share.

 

“Just get both,” he says.

 

“That’s not the point, Ronan,” Adam glares at him.

 

“Excuse me,” a voice from behind them interrupts.

All three of them turn to glance at the intruder; a short plump woman with hair too large for her head.

 

“Yeah?” Ronan asks.

 

“I’d just like to say what a great kid you’ve got here. She’s so well-behaved and very well-spoken,” the woman says, smiling at the three of them.

 

Adam relaxes immediately and ruffles a hand through Opal’s hair. “I’m afraid she’s only this tame in public, ma’am.”

 

Opal snaps her teeth at his hand.

 

“I think she’s just lovely. It’s obvious y’all are doing a great job with her. Be careful of the second one. If the first one’s easy the second one is usually a devil,” she says, still smiling.

 

The woman goes on to deliver a lengthy tale about her second child, a daughter, and how she now understands karma. Adam nods along pleasantly and offers responses when needed.

Once she is finished Adam nudges Opal and says “I think this one’s enough for right now. I can’t handle two of ‘em.”

 

The woman laughs quietly and maneuvers her cart down the aisle after a quick goodbye. Adam turns to Ronan after the woman has made her exit. His smile falters when he sees the wide eyed gaze Ronan keeps on her back.

 

“Ronan, are you alright?” Adam asks.

 

Ronan breaks eye contact with the woman’s retreating form to turn his blue-eyed gaze on Adam. The dream and the rattle had shaken him, but this encounter left him feeling as if he’d taken a punch to the gut. Ronan’s reality didn’t allow for coincidences. Why was the world conspiring to give him another kid?

 

“Ro?” Adam nudges him.

 

Ronan shakes his head slowly. “Sorry, what did you need?”

 

“Nothing, you just left me for a minute. Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah I’m fine. I’ll be better once we can leave this hell hole. Where’s the list?”

***

As per usual, whoever hears Ronan’s pleas chooses to ignore them. He visits the nursery again. During his second visit he doesn’t hear the rustling in the crib, instead he can hear muffled laughter and high pitched squeals coming from downstairs. Ronan knows the laughter is Adam’s, he’d be able to single it out anywhere. Adam’s laugh still punches out of him like it might not always have the chance. It’s deep and arresting and the sound of it combined with the squeals tugs at Ronan’s heart and leaves it aching. He uses his time in the dream to better study the room. He glances in the crib and notices the wrinkles in the sheets, the consequence of all the thrashing. He notices a changing table in the corner, piled with wipes and diapers, and something labeled a Diaper Genie rests right next to it. Ronan hopes he dreamt it, hopes it disappears the diapers as soon as they’re thrown in there.

 

He stops at the sight of a pink blob in his peripheral. It is a small blanket casually tossed into the floor. Ronan wonders if it was thrown out of the crib, or dropped out of a dirty hamper, or maybe this child just loved to see good blankets on the floor. It is the softest material he has ever felt and smells of moss, rain, and something distinctly Adam. He looks at it for longer than anyone should study a blanket. Glides his fingers along the upraised parts of the stitching and the silky border. He imagines a baby with Adam’s eyes tucked into the blanket smiling up at him. Ronan grasps the blanket in his hands and closes his eyes against the flood of emotions this nursery pours into him.

***

 

He never hides any of the items he brings back from the nursery. He doesn’t stuff them into drawers and inside cupboards and into lock boxes like he does with other dream objects he wants to keep from Adam and Opal. Instead, he takes them to Declan’s room. To the room they belong to in his dreams.

He passes Matthew’s old room, now Opal’s, filled with sticks and leaves, and other odd trinkets she finds in her explorations of the Barns. Her walls are decorated with letters and photos of The Barns and quotes from books she thinks sound nice. Opal may share his favor for anger and sharp wit, but she inherited every bit of Adam’s nerdiness.

 

One wall is strung with photos showing the smiling faces of their family: Blue and Gansey next to the world’s largest tree, Henry with his hair dyed the same outrageous orange as the Pig, Adam speaking at his graduation, and Ronan and Matthew holding a blue ribbon for having the largest pumpkin at the fair. Ronan’s favorite is a picture of Opal and Adam from his and Ronan’s wedding day. Opal wore a lacy white dress and flowers were braided through her hair. She was midway through eating a daffodil. Adam had his chin placed on her shoulder, laughing so hard his eyes were almost completely shut. Remembering how Adam looked in his well tailored suit still makes Ronan dizzy.

 

He turns into Declan’s room, placing the shoes he’s just brought out after a nap next to the blanket and rattle on a small shelf in the corner. The room is full of possibility, but Ronan doesn’t think it belongs to him.

***

Ronan could kiss Adam forever. Realistically he knows that him and Adam will need to eat and drink and piss, but he feels like if all the inconvenient necessities of being human were to right themselves then he could spend all his time kissing Adam. Sometimes it’s not even them working up to something heavier. It’s Adam having a stressful day at work and coming home to a shoulder rub and Ronan’s mouth. It’s Ronan dreaming something exciting and him telling Adam as soon as he walks through the door and then them sharing in a celebratory kiss that lasts for an hour. It’s the two of them tired but restless in bed, kissing slowly until one of them succumbs to sleep.

 

Today it’s Adam sitting on the kitchen counter with Ronan between his legs. Ronan’s hands are wrapped around his waist and Adam’s hands are tangled in Ronan’s hair. They’ve been going at it for a while now, celebrating Adam finishing a project at work. A loud gagging noise from behind them startles the two apart. Opal stands in the doorway of the kitchen, hands on her hips and face twisted in disgust.

 

“Could you not do that where I eat my food?” She asks, staring the both of them down.

 

Ronan shrugs and gives her a sharp smile. “So we’ll just do it in your room next time.”

 

Opal growls and tosses them a parting glare as she stomps up the stairs to her room.

 

“I don’t know why it still surprises me how much she acts like you,” Adam says, rolling his eyes.

 

“Shut it, Adam.”

 

Adam smirks. “Make me.”

Then they’re right back at it, lips tugging and pulling on each other’s until Chainsaw lands on Ronan’s shoulder and flaps her wings into their faces. Adam pats Ronan on the head and slowly pushes him away.

 

“Opal’s awful. Chainsaw is just as bad. Can you imagine having another one? We’d never get to make out in common areas,” Ronan grumbles. “We’d have to be one of those boring couples who take all activities to their bedroom.”

 

“Having another one?” Adam asks, his eyebrows rising. “A dream rattle. Now imagining other children? Do we need to talk about something Lynch? Did that woman in the grocery store give you ideas?”

 

Ronan freezes, he can feel his face burning. “I’m having these fucked up dreams,” he admits. “But I started having the dreams before we ran into that woman.”

 

“Nothing really new, but continue.”

 

“I keep waking up in a nursery, in Declan’s room of all places. But it’s not Declan’s room, it’s all pink and soft and shit. There’s all this baby stuff like rattles and blankets and fucking socks,” Ronan pauses, releasing a long sigh before continuing. “And I’m looking at all of this and then I notice the crib. And as soon as I realize it’s there this rustling sound starts.”

 

Adam nods in understanding. “And you haven’t looked in the crib, yet,” he says.

 

“I can’t. Whatever’s in the crib, I don’t want whatever’s in my head to fuck it up.”

 

“You know, if you ever bring something like that back, something human, or,” Adam pauses. “Something slightly not human we’d handle it together. I love almost everything that comes from your head, Ronan.”

 

“I know.”

 

Chainsaw flaps away and Adam quickly pecks Ronan on the lips, and then turns away from him to start digging through the cabinets for dinner.

 

Opal slides back into the kitchen looking relieved that they’ve finally broken apart. She notices Adam laying out supplies to cook and her eyes light up.

 

“Thank God, I’m fucking starving,” she says.

 

Adam just shakes his head and smiles softly to himself. Ronan looks at Opal and can’t help imagining another little girl standing next to her, most likely clinging to her, and his heartbeat accelerates.

***

“I bought Opal the prettiest little skirt,” Blue almost screams into the phone. “She’s going to love it.”

 

Ronan holds the receiver away from his ear, grimacing. “As long as you didn’t make it this time. I swear the thing you made her last time disintegrated in the rain. It had been cut so much that it just gave up at the first drop of moisture.”

 

Gansey and Blue have invited them up to their house for the weekend. None of the five live too terribly far from one another. Gansey and Blue are an hour away and Henry stays with them when he’s not trekking around the world. The three of them have just gotten back from their yearly adventure and since any time away from one another seems like too long, they’re eager to see Ronan, Adam and Opal.

 

Ronan can’t make the trip with Adam and Opal this time, as one of the cows is close to birthing. Their veterinarian had warned them that it could be any day now and Ronan doesn’t want to leave her alone.

 

The night after Adam and Opal leave, the cow gives birth. It’s a quick and easy process; Ronan calls the vet as soon as he understands what’s happening and everything goes smoothly. The calf is a boy, gangly and skinny with a very cold nose and large black spots splashed across his hide. Ronan calls Adam as soon as the veterinarian leaves.

 

“Opal will be upset that she missed it,” Adam laughs into the phone. “She’s been waiting very patiently for that calf.”

 

“There will be more. She’ll get her chance someday,” Ronan says.

 

“This experience didn’t ruin breeding for ya?”

 

“Adam it was a Goddamn miracle, I swear. She did incredible,” Ronan says, unable to keep the awe out of his voice.

 

“Ronan Lynch: reduced to puddles after live births,” Adam teases.

 

“Fuck you, Adam. I have to go. Tell Gansey and Sargent I said hi and kiss Opal for me.”

 

“Will do. Love you,” Adam says.

 

“Love you.”

 

Ronan sleeps in the barn that night, curled up on a pile of hay close to the calf and it’s slumbering mother.

***

Ronan isn’t surprised when he wakes up in the nursery. He is, however, surprised to find he is not alone. A woman and a man stand in front of the crib. The woman is graceful with long blonde hair that cascades down her back. The man has broad shoulders and tousled dark curls. He recognizes them immediately.

 

“Mom? Dad?” He asks.

 

“Ronan,” his father says. “About time you showed up.”

 

Aurora slaps Niall lightly on the arm and smiles at Ronan. “These things can take time. She’s beautiful, Ronan. Maybe even more beautiful than Matthew.”

 

“Who’d ever have thought we’d see the day where Matthew takes the number two spot,” Niall says, his voice filling the room.

 

Aurora sighs, fond but exasperated, and peers back into the crib. “She looks just like Adam.”

 

“Adam? Do you not see those curls? That’s all Ronan,” His father argues.

 

“The curls are his but the eyes are Adam’s dear.”

 

“The features are unimportant. She’s a tough one, made for war I think,” Niall directs a smile into the crib turning from Ronan completely.

“Made for keeping it at bay, I think,” Aurora says softly.

 

“She could be both,” Ronan interjects.

 

Aurora winks at him. “You want to hold her?”

 

Ronan freezes. He can feel his head moving from left to right without having given it his permission.

 

“It’s okay Ronan. I understand. You know when I woke up to Matthew I was terrified. All of the sudden there was a new baby to take care of and my three year old had a power that could create entire human beings,” She pauses, laughing softly. “But, he was beautiful. The absolute best parts of you perfectly created for me. I loved him immediately and fiercely. You can craft deadly and terrifying creatures Ronan, but also the most loving and beautiful.”

 

“What’s her name?” Ronan asks, suddenly.

 

“That’s for you and Adam to decide,” Aurora says.

 

“I’d like something Celtic,” Niall replies, and earns himself another slap on the arm.

“Come see her, Ronan.” Aurora bends and gently lifts the small bundle from the crib.

 

Ronan can see chubby pale legs and impossibly tiny hands. He’s absolutely terrified to look any closer.

 

“Can’t you feel that Ronan? The earth is splitting,” Niall smiles at him, walking to him to nudge him closer to the crib.

 

Ronan walks closer. He finally looks at the baby Aurora is holding, his heart hitches in its rhythm. Everything slows and becomes waves crashing in his ears. She is beautiful with dark curls spilling over her ears and cornflower blue eyes gazing up at Aurora. She is the perfect combination of him and the person he loves the most and he can feel his entire world narrowing.

 

Aurora begins to hand Ronan the baby. He gently takes her, remembering to cradle her head, and Aurora smiles proudly when he does. Ronan studies her face and is jolts a bit when he realizes she is also studying him. That is Adam. She smiles a toothless grin when she catches his eyes and begins thrashing her limbs back in forth as if she can’t contain the emotions she feels.

 

“Jesus,” Ronan breathes. His lungs feel as if they’ll never be completely full again. He is happy that he waited until this moment to hold her, but he is upset that he spent weeks without her.

Ronan peels his eyes from the baby in his arms, wanting to share the moment with his parents, but when he looks up they’re gone.

***

He wakes in the barn. The calf is safe inside the pin nursing from his mom and inside the bend of Ronan’s arm is a pale squirming baby with Ronan’s curls and Adam’s eyes.

 

He is so fucked.


End file.
